Give me fitness. Give me abs. Give me a Hawaii Chair.

workout woman

Experts say it takes three weeks to turn a new behavior into a habit.  So if my past experience is a predictor, at two weeks into my New Year’s fitness regime I’m going to be, well, bored.  Cardio intervals? Yawn. Core fitness? Zzzzzz.  Eat less, exercise more?  What-EVER.

Give me gimmicks.  Give me fads.  Give me a piece of exercise equipment I can hang wet laundry on when I’m tired of using it.

What can I say? I’m a sucker for lazy-woman fitness.

I’ve been enamored with useless home exercise equipment ever since I watched my grandmother unveil her newest apparatus.  “You wrap this band around your hips,” she told me. “Then you flip this switch.”  The machine began to agitate her body with such vigor, she looked like she was in California during The Big One.  “I-I-I-I a-m-m-m e-xxxx-er-cisingggg!” she squealed over the din of the motor sounding like a post-menopausal Elmer Fudd on an infomercial.  After being shaken by the machine for exactly three minutes, Grandma somehow managed to flip the switch off. The band around her hips went slack and fell behind her legs. “Whew, what a workout!” she said patting her forehead with a towel, although she hadn’t visibly broken a sweat.

If this was working out, then I could embrace fitness. [Read more…]

How to Clean – The Teenage Years

Who needs a closet when there’s all this great floor space?

Wet bath towel on hundred-year-old hardwood floors. Yeah, that sounds about right.

When Younger Boy was little, I could always find him by following whatever trail he left behind. Not much has changed.

After the dehydration scare, at least he’s drinking something.

Younger Boy returned from the trip requiring this bag a month ago.

What you can’t see in this photo – on the back of the door are two extra-large hooks.

I’m not sure he’s ever made a bed. He may not know how. I have failed miserably.

Neatness has never been his strength.  Most of the time, I overlook it.  I choose my battles and tidiness has never been one of them. In small doses, a little messiness doesn’t ruffle my feathers.

But all of these photos occurred on the same afternoon.

I’m glad there’s not an audio for this photo. I was not happy when I turned around and spotted this food reaching the fossil stage.

After spotting the food nearing fossil formation, it put me over the edge.  I’ve never been particularly good at house cleaning, but I had some definite ideas for what I believed was the proper technique for this project. I think it was quite effective.

Problem solved.

Scarred For Life

I was in the privacy of my own home. The shades were drawn. It was the middle of the day.  There was no chance of getting caught.

Or so I thought.

 In my haste, I overlooked one very important detail – locking the back door.

 I don’t know who was more startled. And I’m not sure exactly how much The Boys witnessed before I realized they were standing there. It was a scene no teenager should ever have to see.

The spectacle they observed was so utterly horrifying, so completely embarrassing for all of us that there is not enough therapy available to wipe that look of disgust off their faces. [Read more…]

At Least It Made Me Feel Better

I hate Tax Day. I hate writing that check. So in some juvenile way, mailing that check with this stamp made me feel better. Now if they’ll just made a stamp with Whoopee Cushion Sound Effects for the 2011 tax day mailing – I’d be one happy woman.

 

Mayo Clinic Couple Rocks

If this doesn’t make you smile, nothing will.

A Slight Problem

 



After beginning to put the house back together, I realize I have a slight problem – an overabundance of books. I’m running out of places to put them all as evidenced by the stash I found sporting a quilt-like layer of dust under the bed. I think I need Readers Anonymous.


Everybody Needs Red Shoes


Apparently even sprinters. Maybe I could use some too.

This is Crazy Legs after coming in 2nd in the 100m. He didn’t get it from me. I’m built for comfort, not for speed.

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