a real mother

T-Minus One Day and Counting

Finally arrived in Wisconsin, now 12 hours till surgery. I am VERY ready. I think Gus is more nervous that I am although he wouldn’t admit it. But I know him too well.
The HipHab facility is incredible! The room is so pleasant and has everything we need. They appear to have thought of everything.
Today was full of doctor appointments and physical therapy meetings. As the doctor looked at the x-ray he winced. “You’ve been in pretty bad pain for awhile now, huh?” he said. “You’re going to feel so much better after this.” Thank God. Everyone was very reassuring and honest, the next two to three days (and possibly weeks) are going to be challenging. It was a bit of information overload, thankfully, they’d sent a binder with printed material so you could read it all beforehand. I’m not sure how much I actually retained from today’s whirlwind.

Walking has been even more of a challenge for the past two weeks since I’ve had only Tylenol for pain. They may as well throw you a box of Tic-Tacs, they’d be about as helpful for pain control. I never realized how well Motrin worked for me. Considering how much I was taking everyday, I probably should be on the list for a new stomach and liver too.

I’m trying to memorize how this pain feels, especially since it is more intense than ever. It has been with me for so long – I do remember starting to limp a couple years ago, but I have just been in denial. I felt pain walking and running – a grinding, stabbing pain. It started in the groin, which made me think it was related to running – a pull or something. What I still cannot figure out is that I never had any pain when I ran, the only time I started to hurt is when I quit running altogether (in an effort to preserve my joints!) It has gotten so progressively bad that all I want to do is sit which is a far cry from running a marathon. Up steps – ouch! I avoid walking at all now, and the pain is just so inconsistent. Sometimes I almost feel like I lose my balance, like my leg just gives out and the pain takes my breath away. Other times it is a deep, dull pain that is ragged and it hurts down my leg. I can describe it like a piece of red hot rebar jammed deep into my glute that grinds bone-on-bone with every step I take. I want to remember, even memorize this pain, so when PT is difficult or I have post-surgery pain, I know it is only temporary. I keep chanting to myself that after tomorrow, I NEVER HAVE TO FEEL THAT PAIN AGAIN.

Now it’s all over but the shouting but I don’t care. I’m going to bed and hope that I get a good night’s sleep. Let’s rock.