a real mother

Now I’m Losin’ It

There she was on the cover of People Magazine – Valerie Bertinelli. In a bikini. At age 48. You’re making all of us late 40-somethings look bad. Really, really bad. I’d wear a muumuu to the beach if I could. But any garment with an -ini at the end? Or God forbid, a -ong? No way. People would be blinding themselves with sharp objects if I showed up in either of those.

Wasn’t hitting 132 lbs enough? Now you had to drop another 9 lbs to weigh in at a svelte 123. Are you trying to look like ex-hubby Eddie Van Halen?

On behalf of 40-something women everywhere, I beg you, please, please stop. Or maybe I’m just jealous. . .